|- Adult Jokes -|
Snow in June
The big-rig driver stopped to pick up a girl hitchhiker who was wearing very short shorts.
"What's your name, mister?" she inquired, after she climbed up into the truck.
"It's Snow -- Roy Snow," he answered, "and yours?"
"Me, I'm June Hansen," she said.
"Hey, why do you keep sizing me up with those sidelong glances?" she challenged the trucker a few miles down the road.
"Oh, I was just thinkin' what it might be like," he drawled, "having eight inches of Snow in June?"
One day a substitute teacher was taking over for a grade 4 class. All the students were present except for three.
As the sub began a little boy walked in late. The sub said "what's your name, and why are you late?".
The boy responded "my name is Bobby Thatcher and I was late cuz I was on top of cherry hill".
Not wanting to go on further with the interruption the sub told him to take his seat.
The sub then tried to go on with the lesson but again was stopped by another late little boy. "what is your name, and why are you late young man?" she said.
The boy replied "my name is Billy Duncan and I was on top of cherry hill".
At this point the sub had had enough and told the boy to sit down.
Finally he started again, but a little girl walked in. "let me guess, you were on top of cherry hill too".
"No", said the little girl "I am Cherry Hill".
Naive Young Girl
A naive young girl from a small town was visiting friends in San Francisco.
She phoned her mom to let her know how she was getting along. "Things are rather strange here. I see men who hold hands, kiss and hug each other. They're called 'gays' or homosexuals.
Even more surprising, there are women here who do the same things and they are referred to as 'lesbians'.
You probably won't believe this, but some men here put their heads down on a woman's private parts and do things with their tongues."
"Good Lord," her mom said, "what do they call them?"
"Well, after I caught my breath I called one of them PRECIOUS!"
The Untold Tale of Cinderrela
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.
"First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and *very* satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
"I know of no prince with that kind of power! What was his name?"
"I can't remember exactly... Peter Peter, something or the other..."
Jerves, The Butler
A wealthy couple had planned to go out for the evening. The woman of the house decided to give their butler, Jerves, the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late, and that he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, however, the wife wasn't having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband had to stay with the others since several of his important clients were there.
As the woman walked into her house, she saw Jerves sitting by himself in the dining room. She called for him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She then closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled. "Jerves," she said, "take off my dress." He did this carefully.
"Jerves," she continued, "take off my stockings and garter." He silently obeyed her.
"Jerves," she then said, "remove my bra and panties." As he did this, the tension continued to mount.
She looked at him and then said, "Jerves, if I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired!"
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call upon little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnny. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
- 10 -
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